My Troubles...

It's not that I think I'm dying of cancer. It's not that I think I feel worse than them. But I do feel horrible. And I do sometimes feels like I could be dying. I'd say about 75% of the time, my stomach hurts. I don't want to eat anything (although I do). Because I know that if I eat anything (even good things like bananas, rice, boneless skinless chicken breasts, applesauce, a pb sandwich), it's going to affect me. There is NOTHING that doesn't come straight back out. I know this is gross, so don't read if you don't want. But I just have diarrea all the time. This is NOT normal. I should be able to eat something. I should have some relief at some point. But I don't. I was good when I was pregnant/breastfeeding but that's because you have like super human health during that time. But since November of this year, I haven't had one normal bowel movement. So I need to cry it out sometimes. And I do, quite frequently. You say, "Go to a doctor." I would've sooner but I didn't have insurance until this month and it's not even real insurance. You say, "Go now." I can't get an appt until March for just a primary visit. In the past they did all kinds of tests and couldn't find anything. But there has to be SOMETHING going on here. I'm not throwing up, I'm not bleeding. I do bruise easily. I do have diarrea every night. I am only 92lbs. I was 98lbs in November. I was 100lbs at the beginning of the year. And to tell you the truth, 105lbs is really the biggest I've been since I was pregnant. It does ruin my life. It does run my life. I would rather just be with Jesus in heaven at this point, seriously though. And I know it sounds like I'm quitting, but I'm not. I just have no idea what to do anymore. I sit here crying. My daughter comes up to me and says, "Okay?" I have to say, "yes." Because the one time I said "no, not okay" to her, she started crying too. This is just no way to live...

Tracts for Ministry

Well, I have yet to get one response from anybody about my new ministry mentioned last week. I'm not giving up on this ministry though. Here ^^ are the tracts I ordered. I got them in the mail yesterday. 50 tracts. This doesn't go far in a public setting but it will go far door-to-door. I haven't quite decided what I want to start with yet. It's difficult to start when I have no volunteers. This saddens me slightly.

(Refer to post from January 8th to get more details on how to help!) 

A few thoughts I jotted down from my pastor's message today:

Proverbs 29:18a "Where there is no vision, the people perish."

"You have a chance to change eternity." What are you going to do about it?

On how it feels to share about Jesus..."It's like faith on steroids."

"It's never too late to become the person God wants you to be."

The ones that spoke to me most..."Dream a big dream. Pray a big prayer...achieve it!" and "Are we praying big, hairy, audacious prayers; or are we being cliche?" 

I have a vision. I have a chance to change eternity. I love the "high" I get just thinking about sharing my faith let alone actually doing it. I'm going to become the person God wants me to be. I've dreamed big; I'm praying big, hairy, audacious prayers. Now, I need to achieve it. And I still need help...

Door-to-Door Ministry

I know it sounds oh-so-scary (I'm shaky just thinking about it and writing this), but we have the power. We have God's power. We have the Holy Spirit. I know Albuquerque is a somewhat ghetto and freaky place, but...they need Jesus too! For a few months now I have been talking about wanting to start this and I finally will. Once again, this is not in conjunction with my church. This is in conjunction with Christ. All my friends, from any church, are welcome. I am not doing this to get more people to come to Sagebrush (although I do love my church), but rather to tell people there is a heaven and there is a hell. If they were to die today, they will go to one or the other. Which one will they choose?
This verse spoke to me so much that it pushed me to finally do this:
2 Timothy 3:1-5a "But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a form of godliness but denying it's power. The last part spoke to me most. Why would I want to deny the power God has put in me?
Mark 10:21b " 'One thing you lack', He said. 'Go sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'"
Is Jesus really asking too much as He did die for you and me? No...I don't think so.
I want to follow God with wreckless abandonment like the disciples did. I want to be extraordinary with God rather than ordinary without Him.
I want to have resolve. Who else wants that? I need help. I can't do it alone. I mean...I really can't.

I've ordered 50 tracts about salvation to get the ball rolling. I will print out a Google map of the area I want to start in.
It will be Friday nights at 6pm. For 1 hour a week.
I would like to start this ASAP, but it will take about 1-2 weeks before the tracts come in. If you're interested, FB me. Or email me at kveronica86@yahoo.com. Or call/text me at 505-615-9543. Or post a comment on this blog.

Definitely Long Time No Blog

I guess the only thing there is to say...A lot has changed in life. Everyone knows I'm a stay at home mom right now. I'm struggling with it. I honestly admire the mom who stays at home and truly just loves it to death. This is the hardest job I have ever had. I'm actually going to be going back to work soon though, Lord willing. Not because I don't absolutely love my daughter but for other reasons. 1. I love having a job. It means interaction with other adults. 2. Autumn needs interactions with kids. I try to have baby dates but it just doesn't happen often enough for her. 3. Bills...need I say more? and 4. We want to buy a house this summer.
In other news, I started another blog, which hopefully I will be able to keep up with a lot more than this one. I used to be better. I'll try harder ;o)
Here's a cute little pic of Autumn (in case you don't have Facebook and see the pictures I upload all the time on there)....

Isn't she a doll?!